Belated Happy Mother's Day?........

Today was that one day every three months I run around the night before, sleep unsoundly with bad dreams and dread. It was our Endo appointment! I am not sure why this day gets me so crazy – OH WAIT I DO KNOW – because it is my daughter’s health and I never know what they will “focus” on this time – numbers, carbs, foods, etc, etc, etc:

·         It could be her numbers are too high or too low and I didn’t adjust like I should have; or

·         You let her eat WHAT? for breakfast – no wonder she was high at 10am; or

·         Her A1C is higher; or

·         She goes in with a high number when they test her; or

·         She goes in with a low number when they test her; or

·         Are there NO vegetables you can get her to eat; or

·         She has gained too much weight; or

·         She has lost too much weight; or

·         All or some of these things combined.

There are so many reasons I feel like a complete failure after leaving these appointments. Today was not really any different. The focus today – breakfast and her “highs” – yes she likes pop tarts. We have a “new” way to eat them now and some new adjustments in her pump – hopefully this will help.  There was also her activity level – not that it isn’t enough – but maybe she is doing TOO much? Really TOO much – why I am feeling guilty that my daughter doesn’t sit in front of a television she plays outside, does ballet and tons of sports all the time. And yes right now she is training for a 10 mile bike ride – and she is experiencing lows about 30 minutes after her crazy exercise.  That is normal (is what I thought). We now know how to adjust her basal rates – apparently I should have been doing that all along – oops! Then they proceed to talk to me for a long while about how to deal with the 10 mile bike ride on Saturday – I thought I had thought of everything  there too – oops!

I will stop for a minute and state I love our Endo, our Certified Diabetic Educator (CDE) and our Dietician, they are great people and always there for me on the other end of my crazy phone calls and emails.  But for some reason at these appointments sitting face to face with them I feel like I am taking some cosmic test about my daughter’s well being and I tend to leave feeling like a complete failure every time.

I KNOW I am not – I am NOT looking for all you out there in my blog world to tell me I am a great mother and doing it all right (so please don’t!) My daughter is happy, healthy, growing well, her blood work is wonderful, she is active and fun to be around – I must be doing something right! I think I feel this way because of the “long term” issues I read so much about with diabetes – I worry that if I let these things go and have too many “oops” that she will have issues and problems and it will be my fault – isn’t it always the mother’s fault?!?

I suppose I should take away that I learned some things today: 1) that not yelling about our appointment being cancelled even though it was confirmed just yesterday and you drove an hour and a half to get there is the best tactic (apparently there was a “mix up” with the scheduler) – you really do catch more flies with honey, and 2) that I, like all the other mother’s I know, am not perfect - BUT I want what is best for my child. I will have some “oops” here and there but the well-being of my children will always be at the forefront of my mind – I won’t “helicopter” them but make sure they stay  - happy, healthy, active and fun to be around (FYI – Allison with a high blood sugar is NO picnic to be around!)

I know mother’s day was two days ago – but I dedicate this blog to all the MOM’s in my world – friends and family – that are just like me – just trying to make the best of what we are given!

Happy Mother’s Day! (Belated!)

Until there is a cure,

Jennifer Holdgreve