How do you feel as a parent right now?
Today, I feel horrible. Not because I really think I am a
bad mother – I actually think I am usually pretty good at things when it comes
to my kids. They seem to be well behaved and well mannered everywhere outside
of our house. They work hard at school, play well with others and are generally
happy kids. But this morning was really hard for me to be the “good mom.”
Allison’s insulin site needs to be changed before I drive
into D.C. this afternoon for an event I am looking forward to attending. She
does not have enough insulin to make it until I pick her up this evening and no
one else is trained to change her site. So I wanted to change it before we left
home this morning. That did not happen – Allison refused.
She just was not mentally able to allow me to do it this
morning. I discussed with her that the only time I could do it was now or during
her recess time at school. Why? Because I was being selfish and thinking of the
million and one things I have on my to do list and did not want to give up the
30 minutes I carved out in the day to drive to her school and change it when she
wanted. I was so frustrated with her that I tried to make her think she was going
to have to miss her favorite part of school – recess with her friends. I wanted
to yell and scream that I did not have time to have this discussion or argument.
With tears in her eyes she looked up at me and said she just
could not do it right now and would rather miss recess. Seeing your daughter in
tears will change your mind set in a heartbeat – and it did.
Allison is amazing, day in and day out with little complaint
about checking her blood sugar and changing her site and the one time she just
wants me to do it later in the day - I forget I have no idea what it is like to
be her. To carry that around with her all the time – this disease that has
robbed her of so much.
In an effort to be a better mom – I am changing my schedule
and am going to scarf down a fast food drive through lunch on my way to her
school BEFORE her recess
starts so she cannot be robbed of one thing she loves so much – time with her
friends – and maybe she will forgive her mom for not being perfect all the
time!
Until there is a cure,
Jennifer
