It is one of THOSE days.........

Today is one of those days. The day after a low in the middle of the night that scares you out of your pants (even though she was fine – but for about a minute my heart sank in my chest with worry). The day when you are tired and stressed and have a ton of things on your plate and aren’t sure which way to turn next. The day that you just need your mom or dad to come rescue you from your fears and stresses and have to remind yourself that on a day like this Heaven is a little too far way to make you feel better today. Yes, today is one of THOSE days for me.

I started sending out notices and information on Allison’s Tour de Cure Fundraiser and her ONE YEAR since diagnosis event and the memories of the past year made me break down remembering everything we have gone through. The highs, the lows and all the in-between. It has not been an easy year and I think about how many times I had conversations with my mom as I sat on my bed and looked up to Heaven.  She wasn’t here with me on earth but I know that she has been listening and calming me and holding my hand from Heaven the whole year. But on a day like today – one of those days – a hug and a reassuring you are doing it all right, just keep moving forward from her would have made it all better (that’s what mom’s do best!).

Our family has a ton of absolutely wonderful friends and I am the first to admit we lack for little in the friend category. I know our crew out there support us to the ends of the earth and beyond – we are so grateful for everything that they do for us on a daily basis. But at times when the stresses of this disease and our new life gets to me I look around and realize the only family I have close enough to touch are the ones that live in my house with me and although I am in no way ever alone in this at times I still feel alone. I miss having that  feeling of unconditional love and support you get from your parents at those moments in life.

I could have never expected that a year ago my precious daughter would be put to the ultimate test at the age of 6 – to deal with a disease that has no cure – to deal with what she deals with every day with the knowledge that is will never ever go away (we HOPE it will but reality rears its head at times). I, as her parent, also have to deal with that knowledge daily – I cannot take this away for her and that affects me every single day. No one could imagine that it would happen to anyone and it shouldn't! But it did -  I, Allison and her whole family have accepted this fact – and we have moved on and we are a stronger family, we have closer and better friends and we have learned a lot and we are fighting for a cure and will continue to until one is found!

I suppose the point of my blog today is to remind you that you never know. You never know when something is going to hit your family in the face, shake you to your core, tip you upside down and shake you, knock you off your feet – all those things and more.  I am lucky to have family that supports us from afar – my brother’s family is doing a walk for diabetes in Missouri, my cousin just ran a 5K in honor of Allison also in Missouri, my sister sends me encouragement all the time from California, my in-laws are AMAZING (there is no other word for all that they give to us from Virginia and visits to Maryland!) and the rest of my family is always there for us (in Virginia and Ohio and Missouri and California) and they send encouragement all the time. We appreciate the love and support so much from those family members – but having family you can reach out and touch  – literally – on a day like today is so special and I miss that terribly at times (especially my very calm and caring mom!) If you have that in your life remember that is a lucky thing and you should appreciate it because you never know – you never know what lies around that next turn in your life.

NOTE TO ALL MY WONDERFUL FRIENDS AND FAMILY READING THIS BLOG: These words are not for you to be concerned about me, it is a moment in time that will pass. I am certain everyone has their moments in time – I am just expressing my verbally. Before you over react – think about it - you have had a moment like mine in your life for something and you just did not express it out loud – I am just sharing my moment to help others realize life is not always perfect but appreciate what you have and keep moving forward!

Until there is a cure,

Jennifer Holdgreve