What does it feel like.......

I wonder...what does it feel like to have your blood sugar go from 54 to 380 in less than 30 minutes? What does it feel like to go from 500 to 42 in less than an hour? What does it feel like to stay at 380 for three hours in a row? What does it feel like to stay in the 50's for a long time?

I sat and watched my daughter sleep this morning wondering what her "number" was. We had an issue with running high last night - and without the pump that meant getting out a needle and poking her in the arm at 3am - not my favorite thing. She didn't even know I did it! Amazing to be able to sleep through someone pricking your finger every hour and getting a shot in your arm! I wonder what that feels like - to get "used to" being poked and prodded by your parents while you sleep?

What does it feel like to have type 1 diabetes? I probably won't ever know. I won't be able to walk in my daughter's shoes or say I totally understand what she feels in regards to diabetes. I can wear a pump, I can prick my fingers and give myself make believe shots all I want but it won't tell me what she feels. I wish I could, I wish I could understand better the angry that comes with the high, the depression that comes with the low, the craziness that comes with it all!

When my daughter experiences love for the first time, I know that feeling. When my daughter experiences losing a friend for the first time, I know that feeling. When my daughter succeeds and fails at school, I know that feeling. When my daughter wins and loses in life, I know that feeling. When my daughter has her first kiss, has her first date, has her first driving lesson, finds her life partner, gets married, has her first child, gets a job she loves, gets a job she hates - I know all those feelings. I can help her with all those things and help her along the path of understanding those feelings.

But diabetes, I don't know that feeling. My daughter takes it all in stride, but as we continue through this diabetes awareness month, I have realized that my awareness is simply one of only WHAT diabetes is not a what it "feels" like to have it living inside your body. As I watched her sleep and her chest rise and fall I prayed for her to continue to have that strength of character she carries with her in regard to her diabetes, and to not let diabetes ever win in her life. I hope she knows that although I don't know the feeling from the "inside" I will forever be fighting for her and fighting against the beast inside of her and will do everything I can from this side of diabetes to make sure she gets to experience all those things in life that are actually worth feeling!

Until there is a cure,
Jennifer