Have you ever had that moment in your life when you realize you are not where you are suppose to be? I have had that this week. I am out of town at a work meeting. In previous years this was something I enjoyed doing so much I was willing and wanted to sacrifice the time away from my kids – it made me feel fulfilled in my career path and I enjoyed what I did and all those I worked with and around – and planning was my passion so I got all the great things I needed out of the deal.
However, this week as I am away from kids, after pulling back from work to part time consultant only 7 months ago, I realize that this is the last of these that I want to do for a while. I am not in the right place – I do not feel that this is fulfilling a need in my life anymore. I took this extension of my work because I thought it would be hard to go from full time worker to part time worker and full time mom – but that is not the case.
Over the past 7 months I have gotten to see my kids in ways that I didn’t realize existed, I have gotten to volunteer my time for others in need and for other need organizations and with my church. I have been able to be more engaged and able to focus on my daughter’s disease by starting a support group where there was none, helping raise awareness and just teaching myself everything I can learn about the disease.
Over the past few days while attending my meetings and dealing with everything here I have no other thought than I am glad this is the last time I will be doing this for while – I would rather be back with my family working through our life issues than here (although I still love the people I just do not have the passion for the work anymore) my passion is now completely focused (and maybe too focused at times) on my family and finding a cure for my daughter’s disease.
I have used my time here wisely and reconnected with people and been able to explain type 1 diabetes and my families and daughter’s daily life with them. Their interest, compassion and understanding make it harder to say that I feel my time working with them is complete, they are all wonderful, salt of the earth people. However, my feelings, head and heart are not here with them - they are where I need to be right now in my life at home.
I know I will not always have this feeling. I am a worker bee – I want to work and need to work to have sense of purpose and meaning in my life. Since my daughter’s diagnosis the hardest work has been at home trying to figure it all out – our new life. I know a day will come when I feel that all my work at home is lesser and I will want to move back to work outside of the house and I welcome that time and hope I am lucky enough to find the kind of people I have had the privilege of working with here.
Until then I am really looking forward to going home tomorrow and doing the work of a mother of three active kids, one of which is a type 1 diabetic. The work of a friend to those that are also having hard times right now in other ways. The work of a dedicated Christian and Catholic to my church. The work of a parent who is lucky enough to have time to help in the classroom (teachers amaze me!) And my favorite work right now, the work of a supporter of other families that are being thrown into the world of type 1 diabetes like we were 10 months ago - helping to hold their hand while they hold mine and we join together for a common cause.
To all my friends in my work world I will miss you and I know you will be around my life forever because that is the kind of people you are – thank you for all the time and support and fun I have had with you – now I am truly on to the place I belong and am really needed right now – home with my family.
Until there is a cure,
Jennifer
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