Technology - a scary but wonderful thing.........

To pump or not to pump – that is the question we asked ourselves back in November before we started down the path of an insulin pump for our daughter Allison. We had time to decide, we had to take a test and pass three classes before the doctor’s office would allow us to get one, so we went forth with the classes and decisions and thought we would decide after we passed everything.

We have now been on the pump with insulin for a month and I ask myself why did I question this path?

Well there were reasons to not pump:

1.       It is technology – SCARY stuff!

2.       It cost more to have an insulin pump – the pump itself is not fully covered by our insurance and the supplies are not fully covered – but needles cost us nothing so our monthly cost increased quite a bit.

3.       It is attached to our daughter day and night – how would she handle that?

4.       It is attached to our daughter at school – how would she handle that with her friends – her diabetes it more noticeable with a pump.

5.       It is technology – SCARY stuff! (Yes that deserves to be said twice in a negative!)

We had our pros too and obviously since we are now on an insulin pump we decided it was worth it at the time. My reflection of the past month reminds me of some crazy things though – we have had some serious highs and a ton more lows than before. One night the pump wasn’t working properly and Allison’s blood sugar was over 600 – our meter doesn’t register over 600 it just SQUEALS at you in a very LOUD AND URGENT listen to me tone! We had to wake Allison up at 3:00am have her pee on a stick and change her site and then Chris and I were up for the rest of the night checking her every hour. It was a long night! We have had more lows than we used to – and the question of keep the pump on, take the pump off, etc, etc, etc and the second guessing creeps in more and more during those times.

As with most things in life there is no perfect way to manage type 1 diabetes with a child – all kids are different and all kids have growth spurts, bad days, active days, lazy days and sicknesses randomly – so managing it sometimes feels like a full time job in itself – add in TECHNOLOGY to that crazy mix and you can get some SCARY stuff running through your head! BUT……

I love it and so does Allison (which is the most important thing!) I will take the 3am site changes or stressing constantly about her numbers (I already did that anyway) or changing her information every day into the technology that scares me any day because it also gives us a much better peace of mind. After all I said how is that possible? It is so full of INFORMATION!

The insulin pump is full of information – the meter is remotely attuned to the pump and can help us and we download everything to a website that shows us charts and graphs and highs and lows and trends – it is AMAZING to actually see what is happening to my daughter. Pare all this information with what she is or has eaten, her activities or issues on any given string of days and you can see how her body is reacting to things so much better.  The first time I saw this it was like a light bulb went off in my head – I have a better understanding – and therefore a better comfort with my daughters disease – what a HUGE and WONDERFUL thing to feel!

So I will continue to be stressed about the technology until I fully understand all it can do (and am certain as soon as I figure this pump out a new and better one will be available – gotta love technology) but I will also appreciate that technology can give me INFORMATION that I never really understood before.  Thank you inventor of the pump – I appreciate you – not as much as the discoverer of insulin but you are right up there!!

Until there is a cure,

Jennifer Holdgreve

Realizing where you belong...............

Have you ever had that moment in your life when you realize you are not where you are suppose to be? I have had that this week. I am out of town at a work meeting. In previous years this was something I enjoyed doing so much I was willing and wanted to sacrifice the time away from my kids – it made me feel fulfilled in my career path and I enjoyed what I did and all those I worked with and around – and planning was my passion so I got all the great things I needed out of the deal.

However, this week as I am away from kids, after pulling back from work to part time consultant only 7 months ago, I realize that this is the last of these that I want to do for a while. I am not in the right place – I do not feel that this is fulfilling a need in my life anymore. I took this extension of my work because I thought it would be hard to go from full time worker to part time worker and full time mom – but that is not the case.

Over the past 7 months I have gotten to see my kids in ways that I didn’t realize existed, I have gotten to volunteer my time for others in need  and for other need organizations and with my church. I have been able to be more engaged and able to focus on my daughter’s disease by starting a support group where there was none, helping raise awareness and just teaching myself everything I can learn about the disease.

Over the past few days while attending my meetings and dealing with everything here I have no other thought than I am glad this is the last time I will be doing this for while – I would rather be back with my family working through our life issues than here (although I still love the people I just do not have the passion for the work anymore) my passion is now completely focused (and maybe too focused at times) on my family and finding a cure for my daughter’s disease.

I have used my time here wisely and reconnected with people and been able to explain type 1 diabetes and my families and daughter’s daily life with them. Their interest, compassion and understanding make it harder to say that I feel my time working with them is complete,  they are all wonderful, salt of the earth people. However, my feelings, head and heart are not here with them  - they are where I need to be right now in my life at home.

I know I will not always have this feeling. I am a worker bee – I want to work and need to work to have sense of purpose and meaning in my life. Since my daughter’s diagnosis the hardest work has been at home trying to figure it all out – our new life. I know a day will come when I feel that all my work at home is lesser and I will want to move back to work outside of the house and I welcome that time and hope I am lucky enough to find the kind of people I have had the privilege of working with here.

   

Until then I am really looking forward to going home tomorrow and doing the work of a mother of three active kids, one of which is a type 1 diabetic. The work of a friend to those that are also having hard times right now in other ways. The work of a dedicated Christian and Catholic to my church. The work of a parent who is lucky enough to have time to help in the classroom (teachers amaze me!) And my favorite work right now, the work of a supporter of other families that are being thrown into the world of type 1 diabetes like we were 10 months  ago - helping to hold their hand while they hold mine and we join together for a common cause.

To all my friends in my work world I will miss you and I know you will be around my life forever because that is the kind of people you are – thank you for all the time and support and fun I have had with you – now I am truly on to the place I belong and am really needed right now – home with my family.

Until there is a cure,

Jennifer