No matter how old you are – you always need your Mom. I ache
a little today because I am celebrating that my mom was born today but she is
not here to celebrate with me any longer. Her reach from heaven is only so far –
and enjoying a piece of cheesecake with me is not something she can do from that
far today!
I think about her today and what she brought to my family. I
hope that I am teaching my kids the same need for kindness and caring and generosity
that my mom showed the world. I see her every day in all of my children in
different ways. Allison’s heart is the kindest heart I know – just like my mom’s.
Ryan’s need to help others – to volunteer and make the world a better place –
just like my mom! Sammie’s fun loving innocent nature and her ability to bring laughter
to others (and love for M&M’s and sweets) – just like my mom!
But today I ache more because if she was still within our
reach here on earth I think how different I would have dealt with Allison’s
diabetes diagnosis. She was a nurse and had this way of calming me and helping me
understand the seriousness or not seriousness of all things medical. I did not
realize until she was gone how much I relied on her for these things.
When Allison was diagnosed 2 ½ years ago I sat alone in the Pediatric
ICU next to Allison’s bed staring at my beautiful daughter as she slept and
prayed to my mom for the strength to be strong for Allison in the coming months
and years. I did not ask God for the strength
– I asked my mom. She had already passed onto heaven and I knew that if I could
garner just half of the strength she had I would be able to be what my daughter
needed to deal with her new world in the coming months and years.
My mom had a lot of “unfair” things thrown at her through
her life – and there are moments when I sit with my daughter crying in my arms
because she different and her disease is overwhelming her and I think what an
unfair world. Then I think about my mom – she kept going, she did not let “unfair”
things break her – she bent with the wind and found her way back.
I still pray – to both God and my mom when it comes to
issues with Allison’s diabetes. On days when it is all I can take or I see my
daughter breaking down – I pray for a little more of my mom’s strength. There
are times when I really believe I can feel her holding my hand or feel her
hugging me again – giving me the strength to carry on and get up and move
forward.
My mom’s kindness, love, compassion and laughter brought
amazing things to our world while she was here – and her legacy continues in my children – thank you for all you gave to me Mom – I still miss you
every day!
Happy Birthday Mom!
Until there is a cure,
Jennifer
